Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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