We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
