I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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