I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
