I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
