We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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