Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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