We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize