Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
