Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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