Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
