Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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