Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't deserve a penis
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Success! We fucked roommates!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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