Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
