I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
