You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
