He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
