Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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