I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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