You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
