I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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