Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
