last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Randomize
