oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
