Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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