so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
