believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm both gender and math confused
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
