You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
