home. puking in laundry basket.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
