I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
