I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We left the knife in your bed.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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