Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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