a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
