i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So much rum. So many feels.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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