my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
