Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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