you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
