ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
