I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
