so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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