I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
