As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
