I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
