Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
