i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The ass gains better be worth it
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