I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
