I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
