I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Less talking, more tequila
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
