Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
