ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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