That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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