Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
