all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
