I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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