i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
In America we eat man semen.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
