please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize