Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
