i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
