and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
