Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
