yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
