I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize