sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
