Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
