im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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