Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
