textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How external is "for external use only"?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
