im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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