I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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