I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
