Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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