Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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