I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
