I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
