she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
