The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
