If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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